February 2012
1 post
you've got to
light yourself on fire
the rest will come to watch you burn
then they will light themselves on fire
cuz they’ve realized it’s their turn
January 2012
6 posts
the mask
we went too fast
passionate love, fueled by the past
i tried to resist
but you won at last
where are we now?
fucking with another
someone not quite you
just being used as a cover
i’ve used a few
i hope i can discover
my heart once again
to love another
one thats a ten
you took it from me
you took it all
i took you too
so we both could fall
into a hole, black as night
...
HYFR.
But I was no angel, and we never waited You took me for sushi, I wanted to fuck So we took it to go, told them don’t even plate it And we never talk too much after you blew up Just only ‘hello’ or ‘happy belated’ And you text me and told me you made it And that’s when I text you and told you I prayed it And that’s when you text me and told me you love me And right after texting, told me...
horoscopes
Gemini: Leave most of your adult self at home — instead, channel youthful energy and enthusiasm. Make no assumptions and allow for impulse. The approach is adventure or bust, so loosen the reins on any expectations of who you think you should be.
…so it this telling me I can through responsibility to the wind & hit the beach today!?!
THE TRUTH.
JoJo – Marvin’s Room
I have been up three days Adderall and redbull This call is a mistake There’s something strong in this water bottle I hear you got a new chick But that’s a little Barbie doll I feel so pathetic But you still haven’t heard it all
Fuck that new girl that you like so bad She’s not crazy like me I bet you like that I said fuck that new girl that’s been in your bed And when...
i know
that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. but it would feel SO good to take matters into my own hands for a change.
yes, no. maybe so?
yes, I miss you. no, I don’t want you back.
yes, I’m straight. yes, I check out other girls.
yes, I have tattoos & piercings. no, I’m not irresponsible or untrustworthy.
yes, I’m a cheerleader. no, I’m not stupid.
yes, I drink alcohol. no, I’m not an alcoholic.
yes, I believe in love. no, I don’t want to get married.
December 2011
5 posts
tough enough
God never gives us more than he knows we can handle. That’s how I know I am destined for greatness- because He sure did lay it on thick this year. I went through some pretty hellish ordeals, and still came out the other end with a smile on my face. Every year will continue to get harder, because I know He is preparing me for whats to come after college…for when I save the world…
i knew it!!
OMG OMG OMG OMG that skanky biatch!! I frickin knew it! Oh she’s gonna get it now, that beezy didn’t know what she got herself into! Ah gheez its about to get cray cray
more and more!
seeing these new couples popping up! i swear I’ve seen at least a handful of guys I’ve hooked up with- get in ‘relationships’ over the last week or two. myself included. ahhh…its the holiday season that makes us a bunch of sappy hopeless romantics. I’m curious to see how many of these last beyond valentines day. =P
this
will never last. we met at a club- red flag #1. we’ve known each other like 2 months- red flag #2. he’s NOT a libra- red flag #3. hahahaha oh fuck. oh well. i like him so we’ll see where it goes
going going back back to cali cali
things I’m looking forward to when I go back to cali:
food. food. FOOD. chevys, bertos, chipotle, IN N OUT…good lord, I’m going to get FAT.
things I’m not looking forward to:
WEATHER. WEARING SHOES. WEARING ALOT OF CLOTHES. I may just die of hypothermia.
let me be real let me be real So I can feel, I can feel what the world wont reveal to me Just the thoughts in my head got me thinkin askin myself oh what am i living thoughts can be such a heavy burden its time to tear down these curtains let the truth be heard give it to me word for word that’s all i really ask for i can handle it, for better or worse now tell me what do you live for...
November 2011
8 posts
relationships
nobody likes to be alone during the holidays. its cold. is rainy. you just wanna snuggle in bed with someone warm. thats why the people who have been happily single all year long will suddenly be ‘in a relationship’ by november. hahaha I’m guilty of this too. so then when you have all your family holiday gatherings, you don’t have to explain why you’re in your early...
yuck.
i don’t think ill ever understand why this beezy is so crazy. he said she feels threatened and intimidated by me. good, she should be. she shouldn’t take her anger out on me because she’s mad that the guy she’s been chasing after for so long won’t give her the time of day because he’s too busy being in love with me. not my problem. she can deal with that shit...
gift giving.
I love the holidays!! I love getting people thoughtful gifts, and watching their faces light up as they open them! Over the years I’ve developed a strategic method for picking out gifts. Any and all gifts are worthy of appreciation; but the most thoughtful of all gifts will fall into 1 or more of 3 categories: 1. something you can eat(or drink). 2. something you can wear. 3. something you...
I
Don’t wanna wait in vain for your love.
i dont wanna study!
i could be studying right now. i should be studying right now. for fucks sake, I’m IN the library, with my books all around me, calling me name and telling me to read them. but I’d rather fuck around on the internet. and read anything and everything that ISNT relevant to schoolwork. and then hop on my blog, and rant mindlessly as I try to avoid doing anything productive. Ah...
Watchupdate on the real world oahu
just go away.
trying to ignore it. trying to ignore it. but its pestering and won’t go away. It seems like there’s nothing I can do to stop it, AND nothing I can do to stop thinking about it, either. God damn it. Just go away.
October 2011
4 posts
the nature of business.
seems like everybody has a hidden agenda. well, its not really hidden, but its not purposefully apparent either. it lurks in the shadows…going unmentioned while still being acknowledged. its like, you know someone has an idea about what they want, and ya they kinda care about you and want the best for you, but at the same time-they too have something they’re trying to accomplish. how...
whacky wednesday
you know you’re not supposed to do something. you know there are consequences and reprecussions, but you do it anyway. then you get caught. and you’re like OH FUCK! oops…
-been having wayyy too many of these moments lately…
the assignment
for an assignment in my nutrition class i had to keep a daily log of all foods & beverages consumed. after pages and pages of calculations- it turns out that i have a very high-protein diet, like way higher than the typical diet. and it also turns out that I am consuming wayyy less fat and carbs than the recommended amount customized to my average energy expenditure…i guess this explains...
so...um...
?? sure, why not.
love is existent, and quite persistent.
can fight it all we want,
but its persuasion continues.
what’s the use of denying?
oh yeah,
it’s that thing we’re all scared of-
heartbreak =/
almost forgot about that…
August 2011
8 posts
and the confusion continues ..
not sure how to feel right now. not sure i care to analyze either. thinking ill just roll with it and see where it goes? the only thing i know for sure it that there’s still ridiculous amounts of love there. anything beyond that is super gray area
Watch
from Booky Wook:
gotta love russell brand.
Sex. Disposable sex, sex at leisure, sex for pleasure, sex you sordid little treasure, drag me from my monotony and give me kicks too hot to measure.
when
when you want something, not because you actually want to keep it, but just because you know you can, and you like the feeling of victory. its a cold world.
the root of it.
my OCD tendencies have always been a significant part of my life. for as long as i can remember, i go crazy over the littlest details of things. as a child, my room was completely spotless. every single item had a place, and i would know if someone had touched something. every week i would wash my bedding. every season i would rearrange my room. every spring break was ‘spring...
tragedy strikes in 3's
1. A BROKEN HEART
the most hurtful thing. the one i loved with all my heart and soul, the one i trusted with my life, hurt me more than i could ever imagine. the physical pain subsided quickly, but the emotional damage still lingers, and will for a long time. the worst part is that he doesnt even remember. how could someone hurt me so badly and claim to not remember. is that his pathetic way of...
GRATEFUL
I’m so grateful to be alive right now! I am truly blessed to live such an amazing life with so many great people. Life is a gift and is too short to be wasted on sadness and anger. Live with forgiveness, and no regrets. God must really have a spectacular plan for me if I’m still alive right now. And I intend to live this gift to the fullest, and never take anything for granted...
wine.
A real man is a woman’s best friend. He will never let her down. He will comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions… He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, & invincible… No, wait. Sorry. I’m thinking of wine. It’s wine that does all that crap. Never...
July 2011
2 posts
lost in a sea of words
I don’t need my words to rhyme,
for them to be admired.
I’m a Gemini, afterall
I inspire the uninspired. ;]
But every now and then
when I’m feeling a little clever.
I toss out this truthful diction
in an advantageous endeavor.
Without my words,
I am just a bottle of emotion.
I let the pressure build inside,
while I stare out at the ocean.
I let a single tear drop...
dreaming...
I have always believed that dreams have meanings. Dreams are governed by God, the universe, and our own subconscious. There are things that our higher power try to communicate to us- and they usually do so through our dreams. There are facts, concepts, realizations and fears that lie within our subconscious…it is through dreaming that we bring these things into consciousness, and can then...
June 2011
1 post
what is this cat & mouse game we call 'love"??
she will always try to catch up
try to relive the experiences she was rejected from
its pathetic really…how someone can want so badly to be you
not even the person I am now, but the person before
its insane jealousy I’ve never seen
its rather ironic
how something I never wanted was thrown into my path
the very same thing she has been purposely chasing all along, and still cant...
April 2011
6 posts
so much to look forward to
Soo happy my best friend will be coming here soon! And digital wonderland is in 3 days! My costume hasn’t arrived in the mail yet…hmmm..dunno if I should be worried about that or not? Whatevs, I’m sure it’ll get here soon. But sooo excited for digital…I’ve been looking forward to this event for hella long! Yayyy :D
less than 2 weeks...
In less than two weeks, my best friend will be here! We will be living together, and life will be perfect!! This summer will be amazing for the following reasons:
I will be taking summer classes (never thought I’d be excited about summer school, LOL) but I miss school! I’m happy to be getting back into it, and getting closer to graduation!!
I’ll be volunteering at Kapiolani...
my other half
Yee I’m so excited :D If all pulls through…I’ll be one happy camper. This joy is too much for me to enjoy alone. I need my counterpart to experience it with me. I’ll be crushed if it doesn’t happen. This is what I really need to be content. Once I have it in my grasp- I cannot let it slip away…plus, it’s a good filler for that minor emptiness I still feel....
Hmmm...
Well well well…what have we here?? Hmmm…guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Problem is, should I feel any regret? Should I be angry? Should I say “Ha! I knew it all along!?” Hmmm…I really don’t know. And I know that I don’t really know anything for certain. All I have is the knot in my stomach that keeps twisting tighter and tighter. That knot is the red...
had another realization.
I came to a realization. My many ventures with male sex over the last 3 months have left me, lets just say, less than satisfied. Not unsatisfied in a physical way [physical gratification is not difficult to achieve, LOL] but unsatisfied with the gender as a whole. The inability to engage in activities with a decent guy has been taking its toll. They’re either too young, too old, immature,...
its pretty empty.
It’s pretty empty. No emotion or underlying feeling. Raw physical gratification- that once reached, still falls short of the expectations. Is it because of a lingering standard deep in the conscious? Comparisons that are not under psychological control- but still present, nonetheless. Not physical comparisons, but ones of the emotional sort. There’s a metaphysical attachment that seems...
March 2011
18 posts
its difficult
One of the hardest feelings in the world to live with- being in love with another, and not able to be with them. Not have them here to share everything with; from the grandest life experiences to the simplest joys. Those little inside jokes you two share, but they’re not there to share them with anymore. The comfort of someone to hold you at night. The convenience of being only a short drive...
Some Office Changes...
So, Danielle quit. All the signs and red flags were there; we were all just to dumb to take any action before it was too late. She’s done. Wants to just be an FSM and sell cutco, but wants to part in management or the office. So, where does this leave us as a staff? Well, we still have Vernon-who will be taking on even more responsibilities to make up for not having Danielle around. And...
the epiphany.
Went to a rave Friday night. Jessica, Vernon, and me. I went with the intention of rolling. These guys didn’t know if they wanted to or not. Using my charm and power of persuasion-they changed their minds ;) They came up with a little competition, just for fun, not anything too serious. But they wanted to compete to see who could make out with more people that night. These people had to be...
1 of the funniest convos Ive had in a while...
Grand Master Jedi: So who’s the latest dude your talking to ?
Koleana Kai McGuire: Some dude I met when I was out recently. He’s kinda dumb. But he’s hot so I’m putting up with it for the time being hahaha
Grand Master Jedi: Hmm dumb n buff …uve never gone for that type b4.
Koleana Kai McGuire: BAHAHAHA Koleana Kai McGuire: I appreciate your honesty. =))...
I wish I could help.
I am in tears right now. My heart aches. I’m hurting for those whom I do not even know…Japan is suffering so much right now. Through a massive earthquake, a tsunami, fires, and nuclear plant radiation…the people of Japan need help. I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do. Ya, the Red Cross is helping with donations and the like- but that doesn’t fulfill this feeling I...
what am amazing day
Today just feels really good. IDK exactly why…it just does. I woke up at 4:30am, and just couldn’t go back to sleep. As I laid in bed I kept thinking about all the cool things going on today, and got too excited to sleep. So I got up, went to the corner store (bummed to find out that they didn’t open until 6am LOL), and went back home. Chilled and watched a few episodes of The...
am i wrong?
Am I wrong to not want anything with you? Is it so wrong of me to fulfill a physical desire, and need not to ever talk to you again? I really can’t handle any emotional business right now. So please, stop talking to me. I’m flattered by your interest, and I admire your persistence, but I’ really just not reciprocating those feelings. I hate to bare not-so-positive news, but I...
what a mess YOU are...
You said you’d be mature about this. You said you’d always love me, and you said you’d always want me in your life [even if we aren’t together]. But since the break-up, you’ve acted as if I don’t exist. Just because we aren’t together anymore, doesn’t mean I died, or fell off the face of the planet. You talked a big hype about being adults and mature...
what do you want???
What do you want from me?? …
That was a serious question, because I really have no idea.
You give the most complicated mixed messages I’ve ever experienced.
I don’t think you do it on purpose; I’m pretty sure you’re just a very lost and confused soul.
You have no idea what you want from me, (or from life for that matter…)
I love you as a person, and feel...